The Tree of Love...The Downfall
When a masculine and a feminine person fall in love, (we all have masculine and feminine in ourselves, some are more predominantly one or the other, and we will partner with someone who compliments our style) they begin at the very top of what I call the Tree of Love. At that moment, both believe they’ve found their partner.
The feminine thinks:“I’ve found someone who is good enough material. Someone I can work with to create the relationship of my dreams.”
The masculine thinks:“I’ve seen both the good and the bad in this person. I can accept them as they are and love them as a whole.”
This is the blessed beginning of love—yet hidden within it is the seed of potential downfall.
The Downward Spiral
There’s an unspoken spiral that pulls many couples down the branches of the Tree of Love. Left unchecked, it leads to broken connection, resentment, and too often, breakup or divorce. It’s a chronic problem that undermines relationships everywhere, and yet, no one talks about it.
Masculine and Feminine Dynamics
At the root of this spiral is a lack of understanding of masculine and feminine dynamics:
The masculine is the energy of provider, protector, producer. Their nature issingle-focused. They pursue one result, then the next, then the next. Every action is in service of that outcome.
Example:My father was an airplane pilot. His job was to get from Point A to Point B safely. That required monitoring 120 dials on the plane. Complex, yes—but all in service of a single focus: safe arrival. That’s not multitasking; that’s laser focus.
The feminine is the energy of supporter, adapter, enhancer. Their nature isdiffuse awareness. Their attention flows in all directions: children, cooking, work, partner, friends—often all at once.
Example:My mother was an artist. While painting was her vacation from the chaos of family life, she still made school lunches and dinners, cared for the house, sent my father’s uniform to the dry cleaners, spent time with friends and family, volunteered for Beyond War, and was an active member of the International Association of Planetary Artists—all at the same time. That’s diffuse awareness in action.
To the feminine, focusing on just one thing feels like a waste of time; after all, the list will never get done one thing at a time. To the masculine, focusing on more than one thing feels inefficient and ineffective.
This is where misunderstandings ignite:
The masculine often advises:“Just focus on one thing.”
The feminine wonders:“Why can’t he pick up the basket at the bottom of the stairs while he’s heading upstairs?”
Both are evaluating the other from their own lens. This is what I call Stuck in Your Own Head Syndrome (SIYOHS).
Internal vs. External Motivation
The masculine is internally motivated. They do what they believe is therightthing to do.
The feminine is externally motivated. They do what the world around them calls for.
Clarity and Communication
Imagine clarity on a scale of 1 to 10:
The masculine tends to sit at a 10. They know what they need and state it clearly and directly.
The feminine often starts at a 3. They adapt, they hint, and they often don’t even realize what they need until it’s missing.
There’s nothing in the feminine’s nature to be clear about what she needs until she’s already upset without it. She tends to speak in hints—hints another feminine being would likely pick up on, but which the masculine does not.
So over time, the feminine becomes more and more hurt and angry, believing that the masculine just doesn’t love them enough to “do the right thing.” To bridge the gap, the feminine will often criticize, complain, manipulate, give “helpful” examples of what other masculine beings do for their partners (which only makes their partner feel like a failure).
This unintentionally emasculates the masculine—all in service of trying to get the feminine's message across.
But it doesn’t help. Why? Because she is still not stating her need clearly and directly. The masculine is left guessing.
From the masculine’s perspective, all they see is theintensityof the storm coming at them. They’re confused, because they still don’t know what the feminine actually needs.
So what do they do? They back away. Not because they don’t love their partner, but because they don’t want to upset their partner further.
This dynamic has nothing to do with how much love there is, and everything to do with misunderstanding each other’s communication styles.
Falling Out of the Tree of Love
Because the feminine believes they’ve already been clear, they assume their partner isdeliberatelyignoring their needs. Over time, this leads to painful results
One by one, the feminine lets go of things that are important to them.
Branch by painful branch, they fall further out of the Tree of Love.
As they give up more and more, they grow certain that what they truly want can’t be found in this relationship.
And then it happens.
The feminine crashes to the ground—BAM—out of the Tree of Love.
For the masculine, this moment is often a shock. They never stopped wanting to make their partner happy, but by the time they realize what’s happened, the feminine is already gone.
How I Help as a Relationship Navigation Specialist
As a Relationship Navigation Specialist, much of what I do with my clients is helping them find their way back up the Tree of Love. I guide couples in navigating their differences and misunderstandings so they can return to the love they started with.
I help the feminine get clear on what they truly need and express it in a way the masculine understands. And I help the masculine see past the storm so they can respond with clarity and care.
If you’re suffering from chronic frustrations and upsets in your relationship, you don’t have to keep falling branch by painful branch. I’m here to help.
✨I offer a 30-minute complimentary consultation to explore how you can restore clarity, connection, and love. https://newsite.kimiavary.com/book
